Old poems

so i was cleaning up and i looked through my old.. REALLY OLD poetry book from when i was a teen and..i'm kinda shocked at the things i wrote. I didnt know i had been that demented and depressed. so...i thought i'd post one of them up to show how much i've changed...its really sad...so

WARNING EMO!!

Dead inside thats what I am
I have no ease to my pain
No ending to this horror
I can't even stop the reflection
in the mirror
Or the pain in my heart

All these screams and tears
So many ages and degrees
Which leaves me begging
On my knees

I ask for salvation
An ease for to this torture
Yet I recieve none
Nor mercy
Instead i recieve strikes
And scars to my already battered soul.

Innocence is stripped away
Leaving the soul weak
And darkened
For an enternity of strife

Warm tears and blood
Could flow like streams
across this world
Yet no death could
End my strife

What is this? Living?
Whats the point
If all i have is pain.

The darkness won't leave
And no comfort is allowed
Only pain and tears,
To strengthen your fears

I am dead inside
Only my body is to follow
This pain is my reality
No one will aid me
so be it
i will die free.

febuary 17 2004

7 14 pm


yeah...i was young 14 at the time when i wrote this....damn...i was one horrible kid...its awful. I cried when i read this and realized i had forgotten the pain i felt ...i moved past all that but its depressing to know that i was my sisters age...younger than her and feeling so alone in the world, so against the world, love and faith...its horrible......

at least i moved foreward and completely changed from that. thanks to a certain someone who taught me to live again. So although some days i feel very lonely because they are so far away or maybe feeling left out because they went out without me or maybe because i feel they've forgotten me but... reading this i know that all of that is trivial and NOTHINGcompared to the loneliness, emptiness, and death inside i felt back then. ah well....