In a strange world

5 days

2010-08-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

5 days. . going on 6 of continual cutting. It helps me manage. it makes the pain go away, it helps me focus and not think of things i shouldnt. I actually thought about killing myself, im not used to this much pain. However im trapt in this vessel, i cant bring myself to kill myself knowing my mother would have to pay off the 82 thousand dollar debt. It is the ONLY thing keeping me from just trying it. Still the cutting helps, ill have moments of happiness but they too are fleeting. He'll say something about the situation, about trying to overcome this, and i feel guilty. The recovery depends on me but its going to take weeks before i feel remotely back to normal. Each time he tries to hurry me, that he tries to make it so that i love my body, it makes me feel even worse.

I cant help but blame myself, i mean i am supposed to be his wife, the one who is supposed to keep his attention. Yet if i had such a beautiful body like he says. . . why would he hurt me so? So here i am. . cutting for the first time in my life at 21. . . but it helps me cope, it helps me get back to normal. I'll try to stop. . . but everytime i feel myself about to break, about to snap and just cry. . the pain in my arm pulls me back , the pain helps me focus on my work.

Is it so bad?

2010-08-03T13:17:00.001-07:00

so i decided not to leave but the pain in my heart wont go away. He makes even more promises and continues to say his sweet nothings but they ring hollow in my heart. Everytime i hear them i wonder who else he called his, who else he called sweety, who else? I love the man. . theres fleeting moments when things go back to normal . But then he;ll say "My sweet girl" and i know he's probably said it to someone else. . and it brings me back down to earth. I suffer anxiety attacks and severe boughts of depression.

Cutting helps. It calms me down, forces me into my body and grounds me once more. Theres dozens of cuts up and down my arms. . . . they hurt when i move but they keep me focused on the pain on my body rather than on the pain in my heart. I watch the blood trickle and i feel like the pain is my salvation. . and my punishment. Punishment for not being better for him. For not being the woman he wanted that he had to go seek praise and flirtation from others. Oh how he praised their bodies. . and now. . now i hate my own. . and none of his words can keep me from hating the person in the mirror once again.

Oh well. . . a few more cuts should help me focus more

So here i am again

2010-08-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

Ive come back to this simply for the fact that i know that no one i know reads it. So it will be my public journal to get out all my emotions.

I went half way across the country for a man i thought would cherish me. I spent 82 thousand on a school where i could not only follow my dreams but be near him. 6 years i have devoted to him

and here i find out that he had a second life on the internet where he could freely flirt and have women flirt back . . how he claims them as his online, how he openly calls them things he used to call me. I should have known better when i found out all those naked pictures. (i wouldnt have cared if they were professional pictures since men always like to look). All of this. . while we were supposed to plan our wedding!

One of said women he calls a personal friend. HAH!
if thats how he keeps friends. . . who am I? What am i to him?

Three days of intense emotional discussions and I have decided to stay. Why? I cannot say. It might be love, or it might be my pride. That i refuse to go back home and say "i abandoned you for nothing and now i have an 82 thousand dollar debt for nothing"

However here i am.. . back where i started before i met him. Feeling ugly, disgusting, fat, worthless. He can continue to say im not fat that im not ugly. . . but he also said I was the only one in his life. How stupid i was to believe his lies.

How stupid I am for coming back. But i want to make this work however its hard. . when you cant even look at yourself in the mirror for feeling like a failure, for feeling ugly, for feeling fat.

thoughts enter my mind like maybe if you werent so ugly he wouldnt have done this to you, maybe if you werent so fat, maybe if you were a better wife. . . he wouldnt have strayed.

so now im here trying to pick up the pieces. . and i dont know how to get up from this. . . when i cant believe the one person who SUPPOSED to lov e me. . . who's supposed to say those sweet nothings only to me.

Where do i go from here?

2008-08-31T20:51:00.001-07:00

feila

helnor

darlord named ?

lotto numbers

2007-09-05T18:36:00.001-07:00

you know i'm no good-amy winehouse

500, 503, 505, 509
131-140

350- 359

831-835

Mecha schematics

2007-08-04T17:46:00.001-07:00

-Energy sword comes out of his right hand
-a blaster comes out from the tops of forearms.
-Thick forearms which hide blasters...also gives more force to a punch
- Titanium chest cover to protect the driver.
- wheels on the sides of his foot for him to  slide
-rockets on the outside of his ankles to push him
- metal bend poles come out of his back...and a special light but sturdy fabric comes out that allows flight
-boosters under the special wings  to allow fast flight
- mecha has mouth guard (meaning only eyes show)
- Colors- mainly red with dark red accents with silver bolts and wires.
-Red plates with dark red trim...silver bolts and wires.
- ((Annie must program it before it can actually move. Meaning it can be built....hardware made but she must plug into it first to give it its personality and software)
- Sturdy legs , 4 braces on the feet... which keeps it from being knocked down easily
- Big chestand stomach cover to protect wiring.
-extra  hydraulics ..incase one gets cut.
- every wire has thick  nylon covering (strange) however the nylon protects it from small particles and flying debris. The first of its kind
- The mecha itself isnt bulky like other ones ...the only things on it that are big are its lower legs (under the knees), the forearms and hands and the chest.) its meant for efficiency , using momentum and its bulky lower parts for attacks.  However because of its big lower legs..it cant be knocked over if pushed or tackled
- Also has sensors to detect long range attacks.

corporation names

2007-08-04T01:02:00.001-07:00

Globe net -germany (medical)

Yakumatsu corp-jap (technical)

Reinch core- Russia (Ammunition)

Flora Cora- Brazil (Floral)

Tandum studios- D.C. (Media)

Peeves

2007-07-31T02:02:00.001-07:00

It peeves me when someone gives a gift or does a favor..and yet hate doing it. The point of an action of love...is that the action must done in the utmost joy of doing it. When i give a gift or do something for someone I'm absolutely to happy. I never complain because i enjoy doing it. It deeply bothers me that people will actually give gift and be grumbling that they had to give something up. Then why give it if your going to hold such animosity towards the other person? I hate it....mainly because its been done to me for so long. Every time i recieve a gift or my parents do something for me...they complain about it for a week before and after they do it. Its so hypocrital...and an insult to me. I can never recieve a gift, help, or action if the person is bothered by doing it. It makes me feel that they dont care enough to have the decency to do something for me with real and honest feelings behind it. Its a facade and I refuse to let some do it to me any longer. Further more...it makes me feel like a burden...something that HAS TO be done because no one else wants to. Its a great insult to me. So for anyone reading this...dont ever do something for me unless your happy doing it, because for everything i do for you guys...i do it with love and the greatest joy i will ever know...just to make you guys happy. I think i deserve the same respect and you guys should just not do it.

Next time...just tell me you cant do it because you wont be able to honestly do it just for me instead of insulting me with false joy and pretenses.

Peace.

~ the frizz

rp story

2007-05-21T13:56:00.001-07:00

there is a realm seperated from ours, where dragons roam as humans..yet no human is allowed. because of the great slaughter of dragons. However the golden dragon ruler of this realm has turned evil and has forbidden anyone turning into a dragon except for a select few and many babies are born not as bronze, silver or golden dragons, even reds are very rare...now only greens and browns are being born everyone knows its because of the great dragons doing. and a womans husband was killed for being a bronze, (she was a red) so she stood up and challenged the king however she failed and is close to dying she tells her son about a gem in the shape of a z that was abandoned from their realm....it was sent to the realm of mortals so he goes in search of it (her son is a bronze/gold..no one could tell cus he's never really had a chance to change into his dragon form also hes about 24)) and he goes but his wacky friend tags along (he's a green and so they go into the portal and arrive right into the middle of this HUGE modern city ((i havent figured out which one yet and they land in this girls car who has a convertable and she's pissed and trying to figure out where they came from...cus their dressed in elgant clothing so she's mad but his friend figures if he flirts with her or convinces his friend to they could get help so finally she agrees to help them out but tells them to ditch the crummy ren fair clothes. and she drives them to a hotel and they pay with gold nuggest and the hotel guy gives them a room and buys clothes for them ((its a crappy motel heheh)) and so long story short she helps them out and realizes what they;re looking for is at the top of a sky scraper , its a gem that is being used for a lighter at the top of the sky scraper and as she's driving...these dark things are after them and she's skidding along trying to get free of them while shes tripping out. they get to teh sky scraper and while the guys are fighting off the dark matter thingies she runs up the flight of stairs cus they;re chasing after her...and before the guys could get to her , one pushes her over the side of the sky scscraper and the noble dude goes in after her and changes into a dragon to catch her, he gets  her and gets the gem...and itsa truly the gem their' looking for and he picks up his friend and they go back to the car and she drives back to the motel....still while tripping out  a fe das later she figures out how to get them back.cus she finds an old place where it matches exactly the town borders of his realm like he had described however theres a ren fair going on and they are walking and dont know how to get back. and she goes through the entrance...and get s to the other realm....and is tripping out cusnow she's back in a place she doesnt know and when she tries to walk back....she cant go back. the guys come through and she's not wearing proper attire so they take their cloaks off and cover her up hurrying her through. long story short she is put in proper attire and is passed as a brown because she would be killed if she was found out.  they travel to his mothers to give her the good news. she dies soon after and she tells her son to use the gem once he kills the king to restore order. The kings guards come in adn siezes them. They take an interest into the fact she has a different accent than them and send her to a general

and thats all i got to

songs

2007-05-20T17:09:00.001-07:00

to download

go with the flow
the widow by mars volta

downloaded: angel de amor, corazon espinado

101 quiz ^^

2007-05-20T15:45:00.001-07:00

just cus i wanna know  and do it

1. What's your name?

lizeth

2. Do you like your name? Why or why not?

uhh well not really because its very common

3. What's your favorite color?

many actually, blue, red, purple and green

4. What's your favorite band/singer?

of all time? it would have to be audioslave.

5. What's your favorite song?

uhh i have many of them so i cant choose one

6. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they? What are their names?

^^ Kj a black lab

7. What color are the walls in your room?

Purple!!!

8. Do you have any siblings? If so, are they older or younger? What gender? How many?

jonathan, 3 years older, cathy, three years younger

9. Do you hate your life? Why or why not?

lol no i dont hate it, its all good...well for the most part ^^ i try t focus on the goodstuff ^^

10. What are your fetishes?

hehehehehe bondage, dressing up and hardcore violent stuff

11. Who do you love?

Nick wallace ^^

12. Are you a virgin?

tecnically  yes

13. Do you have any STDs?

ahhaha no

14. Are you ugly or pretty?

eh......in the midle i suppose

15. Are you fat or skinny?

in the middle too

16. Are you bulimic/anorexic?

HAh! no

17. What's your favorite food?

hmmmm i dont know i like em all ^^ well most

18. What labels would you use to describe yourself?

uhh tomboy, nerd, and  *thinkles* rocker i think heh

19. Do you wish you had more/less friends? Or are you happy with the amount of friends you have?

eh i'm happy with the friends i have now ^^

20. Do you like records, tapes, CDs, or mp3s best?

MP3 the best i think

21. Do you have any talents? What are they?

uhh i sing, i dance, i write, idraw, i paint, hehe anything that involves art

22. Do you play any instruments? What are they?

uhh flute i guess ^^

23. What song are you listening to right this very instant?

none

24. Have you ever cybered before?

^^ many times

25. Have you ever kissed someone that has the same gender as you?

lol no

26. Are you stupid or smart?

smart smart

27. What kind of music do you like?

rock, metal, and a bit of pop if its good, oh and RnB

28. Do you have any regrets?

no ^^

29. Do you wish you could go back in time to fix all your mistakes?

nope nope everything happens for a reason

30. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

uhh well lets see 1.....4 yeah about 4 and none of them lasted more than a month..heh

31. Do you hate chatspeak?

chatspeak?

32. Are you a PM/grammar/anything else Nazi?

hehehe no

33. Do you have AIM, Yahoo, or MSN?

all

34. Do you have your own website?

not really

35. Have you ever hacked or spammed someone?

spammed yes

36. Have you ever lied about yourself online?

uhhh yeahhh .. heh ^^ but nothing important

37. Have you ever called someone you met online?

yeshum ^^

38. Do you know how to swim?

i swim like a fush!

39. What is your biggest fear?

uhhhh *thinkles* thats a hard one...hmm dying in the dark or somthing like that

40. What is your stupidest fear?

heheheh of scary movies, and zombies

41. How old are you?

18 ^^

42. Do you do your homework?

.....heheh no

43. Do you dream at night?

44. Do you daydream when you're supposed to be paying attention?

45. Do you have a hitlist?

46. Have you ever lied to someone?

47. Have you ever had an abortion?

48. Do you like George W. Bush?

49. Have you ever murdered someone?

50. Do you want to be famous someday?

51. Are you normal?

52. Are you popular?

53. Do you have an iPod?

54. Do you like the color yellow?

55. Do any colors scare you?

56. Are you afraid of the dark?

57. Do you have a shadow?

58. Do you have a reflection?

59. Are you insane?

60. Do you have any mental illnesses?

61. Have you ever worn a straitjacket?

62. Do you like domos or ninjas more?

63. What's your favorite TV show?

64. What languages do you speak?

65. What's your favorite movie?

66. Who's your favorite actor?

67. Have you ever had beer/smoked a cigarette/taken drugs?

68. Are you saving sex for marriage?

69. Have you ever touched a condom?

70. Do you want to get married one day?

71. Are you planning on having children when you get older?

72. I love you. Do you love me?

73. Do you like Gaia or real life more?

74. Would you rather have Gaia gold or real money?

75. What country do you live in?

76. Do you cuss?

77. How many floors does your house have?

78. Do you have your own room or do you have to share it with someone?

79. Are planning on going to/already going to/finished college?

80. What do you want to be when you grow up?

81. Do you have a best friend?

82. Do you like talking on the phone?

83. Are you moody?

84. Do you cut yourself?

85. Has anyone that you know ever committed or attempted suicide?

86. Have you ever thought about killing yourself?

87. Have you ever overdosed on medicine?

88. Do you like school?

89. Do you like cheese?

90. Have you ever eaten part of a human being?

91. Do you masturbate?

92. Do you watch hentai/porn?

93. How many Gaia accounts do you have?

94. Have you ever stalked someone?

95. Have you ever been stalked by someone?

96. What stores do you just have to go to when you go to the mall?

97. Do you have job? If so, what is it?

98. Do you want to travel to a different country someday? If so, which country?

99. Do you have cable?

100. Do you like VH1 or MTV better?

songs i want to download

2007-05-08T15:36:00.001-07:00

XD yes i tend to forget so now i will post them so i knowwhich ones to get

if any one has any suggestions of good songs to hear tell me now

piece of heaven by akira
simple and clean - utada
holding out for a hero -shrek
goodluck- basement jaxx
sanctuary- utada
pain- jimmy eat world
thank you- bleach
moscow
listen to your heart

also i picture i like ^^
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/54885885/

A man who Slept for 19 years

2007-04-21T17:18:00.001-07:00

A man slept for 19 years after suffereing a car accident at age 19. He woke up...his mind trapt in the year he had the accident. His mind is stuck...on rewind, everyday he lives his life over....unable to remember the day before.

I'm wondering...if I fell into a coma... would my parents keep me alive for so long? No..of coarse not. The other thing i was wondering was . Well his wife left him the moment the doctors said he would never wake up. I was wondering...who would wait for me? After being told i'd sleep for so long, my body slowly waste away every year getting thinner and thinner. Who would be there when i wake up? Would you wait that long...time forever stopped because of me? Or would you move with time and grow on and live life as it is supposed to be?

Lets say its not 19 years...but 5 or 7 years? would time continue forward..and I wake up and have to live life all over again...after losing it all?

tell me...your wife or husband...is in a comaa...and you are told they will never wake up..their soul has left their body. Would you wait instead of moving on with your life?

Its depressing but...its got me thinking....

would you wait?

Learning to draw

2007-04-13T14:49:00.001-07:00

So its been a while since I've posted.And well heres the update. I'm talking to old teachers to try and get some letters of recommendation, also talking to my old mentor to find ways of raising some money for Texas. I need to finish filling in my uhh...*thinkles* paperwork...admission papers and what not. I'm learning alot more new things on my own and I'm happy with the rp I'm doing....i even bought a book FULL of 1940s to 70s pin ups. Its pretty awesome.  even drawing hands have gotten better! Soon i will be looking for a part-time job and what not. So life is moving on and it feels like its moving fast..but then again sometimes not fast enough ^^. Anywho this is the FRIZZ!

testing out the automated blogger

2007-04-11T21:20:00.001-07:00

So yeah i'm testing out the blogger on firefox and its pretty good i should say. ^^ heh i'm trying to draw better and practicing more... also i'm almost done with the sketchbook YAY!

Old poems

2007-03-10T23:20:00.000-08:00

so i was cleaning up and i looked through my old.. REALLY OLD poetry book from when i was a teen and..i'm kinda shocked at the things i wrote. I didnt know i had been that demented and depressed. so...i thought i'd post one of them up to show how much i've changed...its really sad...so

WARNING EMO!!

Dead inside thats what I am
I have no ease to my pain
No ending to this horror
I can't even stop the reflection
in the mirror
Or the pain in my heart

All these screams and tears
So many ages and degrees
Which leaves me begging
On my knees

I ask for salvation
An ease for to this torture
Yet I recieve none
Nor mercy
Instead i recieve strikes
And scars to my already battered soul.

Innocence is stripped away
Leaving the soul weak
And darkened
For an enternity of strife

Warm tears and blood
Could flow like streams
across this world
Yet no death could
End my strife

What is this? Living?
Whats the point
If all i have is pain.

The darkness won't leave
And no comfort is allowed
Only pain and tears,
To strengthen your fears

I am dead inside
Only my body is to follow
This pain is my reality
No one will aid me
so be it
i will die free.

febuary 17 2004

7 14 pm

yeah...i was young 14 at the time when i wrote this....damn...i was one horrible kid...its awful. I cried when i read this and realized i had forgotten the pain i felt ...i moved past all that but its depressing to know that i was my sisters age...younger than her and feeling so alone in the world, so against the world, love and faith...its horrible......

at least i moved foreward and completely changed from that. thanks to a certain someone who taught me to live again. So although some days i feel very lonely because they are so far away or maybe feeling left out because they went out without me or maybe because i feel they've forgotten me but... reading this i know that all of that is trivial and NOTHINGcompared to the loneliness, emptiness, and death inside i felt back then. ah well....

lack of sleep and new things

2007-02-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

okey...listening to music at night is a bad idea. On a positive note my photomanipulation skills are getting better and hopefully i might take commissions soon ^^. Also my interview is next week and also i gotta start lookin up school loans and the like soo yeahhhh

Early morning. Bright weekend

2007-02-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

Alright so this morning i realized that this weekend will be all about me. ^^ Why? Because i'm making it all about me, i want to relax and have nothing to do and just do the stuff i love to do. Its my birthday on monday and i'm going to gamble on sunday so yeahh. Anywho i decided that i will ditch my awful math class and catch up on some sleep. Also i will work on my story/art concept, my photomanipulation trial (If i find a good picture to do), and also...hmm get some reading done, since i obviously need to read. ^^ I want to start my 18th year of life good and fresh. I'm waiting for my bestest gift evers to arrive so that will also brighten up my new year. This year has alot in store for me, theres the 70 percent chance of me going to texas this year, for sure for sure i'm starting the fun stuff next semester, i;'m going to drive, have a life, mature and last but not least, become an adult. I've come a long way and I want to continue that. This year started out rough for me but like they say after a storm is where the best crops are yeilded. ^^ In about 20 minutes i'll be heading to my first class of the day (also a test), and i'm glad i'm going. Life is good for me right now, i have the love of a great man, a daily calm routine of learning, my classes are great, i have alot to look foreward to. Sure things might be rough in the transition of schools but i dont mind. Time to start lookin up and be great and develop into the person i want to be.

the frizz

new story

2007-02-22T00:32:00.000-08:00

Okay now i have a new story/art concept in my head. Its the gonna be set in the time of the new world conquest set in the mayan world of royalty, the new comers from spain, english mercenaries and the like

and well a mayan princess and an english paladin fall madly inlove with each other despite the overwhelming odds. His belief says she's from the devil but he cant resist, his people are killing her culture yet still she was lured to him.

what will happen? I dont know yet but i want to get some concept art down and maybe do some stuff i dunno. me sleepy heheh

Photo manipulation

2007-02-20T08:52:00.000-08:00

Okey i have become rather interested in photo manipulation and i wanna try it. I saw a tutorial on it and now i want to try. I have a friend who is very lovely and a perfect subject since she would be easier to do. So once i get home i'll save one of her pictures (With her consent of coarse) and try to do a very nice photomanipulation in which i can make a regular picture look ...well painted I guess. I'm getting very interested in moving along with my learning. I want to know as much as possible before i go into my major. Wanna have a head start and all ^^, sides its alot of fun. First and foremost however i need to catch up on my studies. I love to draw and use photoshop but studying comes first. Cant have my grades lacking now can we? As for new things in my life. I'M GOING GAMBLING ON SUNDAY!! yay! I hope i win alot of money. If not thats fine too so long as i dont lose money XP. hopefully i can win enough to buy a legit version of photoshop or hopefully a new laptop. Betty is getting very old and she's breaking down on me....i wonder if i can give her more SDRAM and more Ram built into her. However i think that would void the warranty if i got one. Also I want to give windows vista a try. I wanted to upgrade betty but she just doesnt have enough memory and computing power to run it efficiently. So yeahh i'm stuck with her lol. I still love her though she's been very reliable and got me all linked up. However i really need a laptop with more memory 60 Giga bytes just isnt enough anymore i need about 120. As for the diet i tried to install...it went out the window. I tried but the food is just too good.. Ughh i'm a bit nauseous i dont even know why. I already took pain medicine for my migraines but its not going away despite the fact i took my happy pills (some extra stregnth medicine that has tylenol, aspirin and caffein in the mix). Ah well. I need to head on to class and will most likely update this later on when i have time to work on the photo manipulation. Heh..

Until next time my faithful minion(s)

S.H. 3

2007-02-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

"Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind." - Leonardo da Vinci

To act out fantasies of the mind. With art and words. Laughter is often the best expression. A bald head is easiest you can see yourself in the reflection of the head.

school people suck

2007-02-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

okay i love school and learning. However i hate it when i get stuck here with nothing to do, chest pains, stomach pains, migraines and whatever is happening to me at the moment. So with that been said. I am stuck here writing this. Now i will tell you what i hate about some people at school.

1) When a big headed dude sits right infront of me and doesnt let me see the teacher
1a) when he moves his head when i move mine so he makes DAMN SURE i dont see
2) when math teachers dont speak proper english and just confuse the hell out of me
3) when teachers give special attention to they;re previous students (she fucken looked like a whore she did!) i was stand by number 2! number freakin 2!! and she wouldnt accept me cus numbers 10-23 were her former students. SHIT I ENROLLED IN THE FREAKIN BEGINING OF JANUARY! Just cus she looks like a slut, is easy on her students and looks pretty dumb EVERYONE goes to her class. (note: she's teaching the highest level of english and dressing like a dumb whore...and also talking like one instead of a professional teacher.)Of coarse i didnt know this and was in the back without a seat waiting to see if she'll accept me...but no...she takes numbers 10 -23 just cus they took english 101 and barely passed cus they were staring at her skanky ass...you know what this aint even worth my breath.

anywho! ^^ i started sketching today and came up with a new little adorable character teehee sooo cute! The new cute little guy got me through my math class...i swear that dude spoke not a lick of english! i was bamboozled at the fact they let him teach when he could barely speak any english WHAT THE DUCK IS UP WITH THAT!? (note: i meant to say duck ^^)

So here i am...chest pains, nauteous and trying to calm down and contact the parents so they can pick me up. Other than that i rather liked my classes except for math ^^ the rest i'm good with teeheehee. I just need to get the books and its a whole lot of reading material but i can get by so its all good ^^

new muse

2007-02-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

okay i failed to mention how many muses i have, theres one for poetry

Pmuse: ello new comer fine day this evenin *says in brit accent*

and then theres another for photoshop artsie stuff (the one that went missing but got found earlier) He has an attitude
Amuse: I dont like any of you...give me music and i'll tag along *sounds like billy idol*

Yeah he doesnt work without my music muse. the one that inspires me to sing and dance

Mmuse: hello is it night yet? *has frilly girly voice*
frizz: no
Mmuse: why isnt there any music?
frizz: cus i'm workin here
Mmuse: well thats no fun

okey anywho! art muse wont do anything without the music muse...hence the reason they both leave or arrive together.
ANYWHO! theres one muse who controls them all...however he's not always around.

Yeah thats him on the left ^^ hehehe

Amuse: oy he's a good lookin chap...

yes yes he is...now if we can work together to finish the art for him

Amuse: cant do that lovely

WHY!?

Amuse: cus music aint around girly...

fine! Pmuse...come on help me out!

Pmuse: of coarse m'lady it would be my pleasure however it seems i have something else to attend to.

>.< I hate you all

Forgetfulness...once again

2007-02-02T14:56:00.000-08:00

okey i forgot about enabling the sound in my yahoo... henceforth ruining all my efforts to have some morning nookie. Ah well....i wouldnt have remembered it either way XD. heheh...with lack of sleep i act like i'm drunk . Heheheh well today is cleaning up my stuff to get ready for school on the tuesday. so yup yup hehehe

breaking and losing

2007-02-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

okay i have a habit of losing things, anyone who knows me knows that i can be very absent minded at times. WHICH SUCKS! ok so i was thinking about taking off the keys of my laptop to clean the underside BAD IDEA ok normally you can take off the key and just clean under it BUT theres alittle white mechanism that stays behindso all you have to do is snap the key back on easily....however that was not the case with me....i accidentally pulled out the white mechanism >.< and spent half hour with a pair of tweasers slowly putting it back in. yes....it sucks heheh anywho! after snaoppping it in place...i lost the key...not once...but thrice! blast my absent minded nature! anywho me going to sleep

SEE YAH!!

Muse is back

2007-02-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

okey it came back and i am done with the valentine pic. but...its missing something and i just done know what....its missing....something! arggg...>.< its frustrating ah well. Anywho its mostly done and i will be working on a poem

starting school

2007-02-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

Okay I'm going back to school on Tuesday and to be honest. I'm scared. I mean i know i can do it but still....I've never taken 4 classes before and i cant screw up because i need these classes to transfer to Texan. On the other hand though i have not taken not one single art class. It sucks but yeahh... anywho i'm starting to panic alittle since its 4 classes and not the easy classes! soo yeahh but i'm not gonna slack like i did for my business class. Whats making me more nervous is that my parents are getting on my back about getting job and how i'm not getting scholarships for my books. >.< I DONT QUALIFY for a book grant!!! why!? because my grade point average is above 2.0 and you guys have money. Jesus if you guys didnt want to worry about my college stuff then yah shouldnt have spent your money on new couches you didnt need, and a patio that could have waited, and a new wedding ring worth over a grand.

*sigh*

on lighter news i'm trying to work on the valentine pic and the new erotic chapter but my muse has left me! DAMN YOU MUSE! get your ass back here!!

muse: i'm taking a vacation your abusing me
frizz: >.< get back here ! at least till i'm done!
muse: mmmmh no

*chases after the muse who disapears and goes to a different person*

>.< crud

Love

2007-01-31T02:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had moments of such incredible love...that it overwhelm your thoughts? When you just cant sleep because falling asleep means you wouldnt have their face in your mind. Its a feeling of bliss, the world is right for the first time in your whole life. All you can think about is seeing their face and making them happy. To see them smile, see them laugh, and hear their jokes no matter how many times they said it before, they're stories are hardly new but still you laugh even after so many timws its said just because they said it, its still funny or interesting after the tenth time. Long after they've gone to sleep your awake just to look down at them, to see them resting and relaxed. They're heart beat is a rhythem that you never want to stop listening to.

Have you felt that way?

you want to caress them to feel they're skin. It hurts when they're away but....talking over the phone or through letters heals it all away because you can hear they;re voice, and touch something that they touched. heaven....are those moments when you're in their arms

they're stregnth is your stregnth and you believe what they believe. if they said it then it must be true just because you trust them whole heartedly. You want that person to be happy no matter what the cost. when they hurt, you hurt, that connection that stands the test of time. They are your world and although you can live ad function and be a normal person, inside your nothing without them. Like if your not whole unless they are right next to you. You lack sleep, you can feel your eyes grow heavy but you fight it just because you want to think about them more, how you can please them, to make them laugh, to love and be loved. When you want to feel that connection ...to feel like you belong to that person and you will say it proudly...that you belong to them and only them, and their will is your will

sleep is coming but you dont want it, you want them to be in your thoughts just a bit longer. to imagine their face and body, to remember how it felt to be against them, to have their arms wrapped around you, or to imagine their voice.

true love is when you can be selfless when it comes to them. no matter what you want whats best for them. around them your words wont come out but when your by yourself you kick yourself for not having said what was on your mind all along, that your mind hesitated when your heart had something to say.
at night you want t be against them...always loving them and being close to them

sleep is coming but you'll fight to end...just to continue seeing their face

My schedule

2007-01-24T15:55:00.000-08:00

so i dont forget ^^ hehehe i am soo absent minded but anywho yeah

CLASS Build/room TIME Prof.

Anthro 101 INST 2004 9:05 -10:30 am Gribben
poli sci 001 INST 1001 10:40 -12:05am Dirks
english 102 CSB 208 12:25- 1:50 pm Grant
Math 115 Bung 5 4:20- 6:50 pm Zargarian

yeah i got alot on my plate but its all good its all on tuesdays adn thursdays all day

Trying

2007-01-24T15:04:00.000-08:00

okay so some of you know (the few or none that read this) that i'm trying realism. So far its going well but somethings are just not coming out right. I'm trying my best but its not going well. With that in mind i am not taking anymore requests...i wanted to take many but it takes me a week to do one drawing because i take breaks. Ah well...back to my normal drawings.

My newest projec is learning how to draw sexy pictures heheh i am idolizing this artist i found who draws thick piggy, and cow women, thick beautiful and raunchy. Its soo awesome and so i'm gonna use some of their poses. School however is starting soon so i need to hurry along and get my projects done since i'm taking 4 classes this time. Ah well see yah guys later

The downside to having siblings

2007-01-19T16:10:00.000-08:00

okay i love my siblings but sometimes i want to beat them , beat them until they learn to fear me and do what ever the hell i say!

sure my brother is 21 years old but he acts like a freakin 5 year old when it comes to chores and life in general! he wants to act like an adult yet refuses to accept the responsibilities that come with it.
AND the little sister is just lazy as hell and just likes to give me lip when i ask for things

now me on the other hand not only am i going to school at a higher level than my brother i also find myself doing the most in the house, washing dishes, cleaning the stove, mop and sweeping the kitchen floor, countertops, making sure all the old food in the fridge is thrown out, vacumming cleaning the furniture, fixing the cushions on the sofa, cleaning the living room, putting all their crap away :shoes, socks, coats, shirts, pencils, foldes, and used napkins,

also shall i mention do anything my dad asks me to do since he came out of surgery.

now i dont like to complain but whenever i ask for them to do something for me or say what i do for them....it just pisses me off when they tell me "stop complaining"

Now it also pisses me off that it bothers me so much that i must waste a whole blog post to get everything out. I want to have time to make stuff for myself do some art to relax but does anywone notice NO!

IWANT TO BEAT ALL YOUR ASSES!!

character name

2007-01-08T21:05:00.000-08:00

just writing down a character name so i dont forget

Anya Yaroslava
age 23
russian/caucasion
aqua colored eyes and aqua colored hair,
slick straight down middle back legnth

fighting style: boxing/kick boxing mix

Getting used to blogging

2007-01-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

Okey i'm getting used to blogging and I KNOW there arent gonna be very many people reading this but ah well I might as well blog about normal things and keep the depressing things for live journal XD. Anywho enjoy all! Also I have a deviantart site

Mythicmeztli.deviantart.com